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HIKIKOMORI

by Matt Spann

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1.
Blanket Warm 02:39
Gentle breeze, cover me Soft stone, sink in the river Back into your arms Sun, bear down over me Blanket warm Skin to touch Back into your arms
2.
Geckos 04:16
The key won't slide in the cavernous zero Of precious lotions And bracelets of silver and gold They're told Of pipes that whistle Of little known summer shine Voices in riddles Plagues of mankind And my woman endows slightly in key Expanded glands And noise in your throat A gargling sound echoes the ground A wet mess on the floor The sky cannot look down I listen to geckos Because they grip every sound A voice in the mirror makes a cracking boy I'm busy you know Ears turn around Ears turn around
3.
He digs a deeper hole To bury his sins and ways He looks at his life And he cuts with a knife To feel a different kind of simple, easy strength He can feel his skin burn And I see that I am Blistered and bleeding I'm blistered and bleeding I can feel you when you think of me And his eyes may be shut And his heart can get cut But his view will stay the same The scenery around stays the same He can feel his skin burn And I see that I am Blistered and bleeding I'm blistered and bleeding Who are you? The man in my dream I can feel you the deeper I get
4.
You 04:11
You make me feel something A hole I dig to shelter me From all the wind and fallen trees I cut my limbs and feed on me, to feed me And you, are the cause of my pain Fallen victim to emotions Please stop the train that's running over me You are the cause of my pain Invert the common measurement To find the rock inside My red and flooding eyes I control me And I fall
5.
Disbelief 04:17
You have me in your hands I'm a cigarette You pull away And pluck on heart strings From nowhere You might find That nothing's the way it's supposed to be Play my life Like I needed it And you hear It's not for me Disbelief Could it be? The chance is to fall for a million years I wash my face Of everything that isn't part of you I sit inside just thinking about it Thinking about you It's not for me Disbelief I bring you down Only to come with
6.
Beautiful 04:22
You can paint the bedroom of our house on the beach We can be happy You never left me Maybe you don't know that when I close my eyes You can be with me for the rest of our lives Somewhere inside you is the woman I love I want you to hear me You're beautiful We can fly away As long as we're together we can be happy You're beautiful And I love you
7.
I see yellow I see green I see the ocean And everything in between Like honey that comes from a bee I see yellow And I feel like the magnetic core that's under my feet All others will see, are angels and devils floating around me I see the ocean And everything in between I see yellow Like honey that comes from a bee All others will see, are angels and devils floating around me I come from a land of confusion and constant illusion I see everything, with my eye
8.
Moonshine 05:07
Moonshine Pull me in with your gravity Gravity Moon pulls me towards my inevitability And I feel so small I feel so insignificant Moonshine Gravity Pull me towards you I notice everything isn't what it means Moon, shine down on me It burns my skin to the core So cold, moonshine Moonshine Shine it down on me
9.
Flowers 04:44
I light up what you left for me As thoughts of beautiful you Swim through my soul, heart, mind, and body Hold me Reach out (Rei Child) I hope this letter finds you well And all your dreams are realised The puzzle becomes an image A picture of you, my angel For some reason a winter plant outside still blossoms through the spring The shiny beautiful asks me to open and let her inside And when you open that door Behind is everything, forever Hold me Reach out (Rei Child) Violet is autumn Roses for winter Jasmine for spring Frangipani for summer
10.
Half 03:55
Everything that we are, is meant to be If the world decides to leave, it will leave You and me to rule it all in grace I feel her in me I am only half When with her I am complete Alone and only half She's the rest of me I turn around and you are there If you lose your mind I'll be there Nothing kills ancient thirst You are my existence Alone and only half She's the rest of me I am only half When with her I am complete I miss you
11.
Were Life 03:25
Fall back to the form that you were and let me sleep The tired new dream batters thee eternally Don't tell me you see You're striving for all that you crave So blind and you cannot feel your instincts betrayed Surface the joy Bring out the love that's screaming inside of me Your life will be taken away from you (spoken) Insanity is social illusion Constructed by those in collusion with power and greed The same who jump to die from the tops of the towers they build
12.
The Hanging 02:02
13.
Safe 02:48
Save me.
14.
Every morning when I wake up I am burned by the sun.
15.
On Your Way 03:17
Despite your travels, are you falling deep again? Searching under rocks when all you want is steal Nobody knows what's real I'll never know until I wake up next to you I tell you I don't know what's real Until I wake up with you Nobody knows what's real The butcher fights the maggie And the maggie fights the crow Around and round in circles they go As I sit and watch from behind the wall of smoke I'll never know until I wake up next to you I tell you I don't know what's real Until I wake up with you Nobody knows what's real Are you falling deep again? She's fallen deeper Are you falling deep again? I know what's real
16.
Fracture 03:18
Though these walls can close on me And crush these bones to dust Then the wind blows in my room And picks the old me up If a part of me should stay The bugs and ants can keep my grave And I'll never tell you You were made to suffer You will never be clean The pieces that break, in a crack they fall between And I'll never tell you
17.
Smoke Ash 04:43
I used to smoke outside Now I ash on the floor I've become the dirt Where I love you no more I know what you do You save me from myself But I don't see the light And you won't come for me You could have changed it all But you don't see You could have changed it all For me Now there's no blame in what I do It so happens It all comes down to you You are all I ever want And so it ends Goodbye Sometimes you're suicidal Sometimes you fall asleep All I feel is, nothing matters And I give myself away Sometimes I bleed to die To rest upon your eyes It's a pain that never changes And you could have changed it all You could have changed it all
18.
For You 04:04
In the morning I wake up to the burning I miss you every time we pray Both our spirits run away Missie, won't you come and find me? It's not just your smile And it's not just your sad face It's everything that no one else can see but me Missie, you mean everything to me Two eggs on sunday And a glass of only-you-know-what Our home that looks to the beach Together as one We hold the world in our hands And live a life that's beautiful It's not just your eyes And it's not just your voice on the line It's everything that no one else can see but me Missie, you mean everything to me I want to go back to sleep, until the day we meet Missie, please let me be with you yesterday This is for you baby I'll be with you yesterday
19.
Soul Pilot 03:26
I am a man who wants to love you And what does god deserve? A broken heart from all of us, but you And she paints me a broken vase You, the maze I cannot escape And my head is living in this broken cage You, the maze I don't pretend to know What you're all about I wish I had a soul to pilot my way through I wish I had a soul pilot too Should you feed a snake that bites you? And what does god deserve? A broken heart from all of us, but you You, the maze I don't pretend to know What you're all about I wish I had a soul to pilot my way through I wish I knew the truth about you I wish I had a soul to pilot my way through And I sit on the fence in all of your photos Just like all of the other guys Just take in all of your lies And I sit on the fence in all of your photos Just like all of the other guys
20.
The One 02:54
I walk along the streets The towns with all the people I could meet I wonder why I'm not like them I'm not as old as I do feel But if I pass away You know that I'll come back Your neck will tremble from my ghostly hands And I walked along your street To find the one I wanted all along I could be the one Nothing looks as good to me, as you I hope that happiness will find you soon And I walked along your street To find the one I wanted all along I could be the one I could have been the one
21.
I wake up and go We do all of the things we do The things that surround me Are things to distract me And sometimes I forget that all I want is you Will the skies turn grey to blue? I'll go home with you And do what we want to do I've been around And sometimes I forget that all I want is you Will the sky turn grey to blue? Will I find you?
22.
Pancakes 05:05
I can make you a pancake I hope you like sugar And I try to live without you But it's not easy It's not easy I will make you a pancake one day I make them with sugar To eat them all by myself, it's not easy It's not easy
23.
I Know You 03:17
There's no room for you There's no room for me Come and see Be light darling Be with me In a cave in the sea, we can bleed I know who you are
24.
Soul Play 03:50
My soul, I pledge to you This body and heart, you belong to Souls run away (together) Will you be mine forever? The system is down today Souls run away to play These eyes focus on you How can the world ignore a love that is pure, a love here to stay? Souls run away (together) Will you be mine forever? The system is down today Souls run away to play
25.
I want you to feel me I want you to hurt me I want you to fear me I want you to hurt me What did you do?
26.
Lay Down 05:19
I watch you burn and set yourself on fire I wish that I knew better But it won't be so bad Lay down I won't be so bad to you Lay down It won't be so bad I feel the need A new need to be with her I wish that I knew better But it won't be so bad Lay down I won't be so bad to you Lay down It won't be so bad
27.
Blah 03:27
Behold my hand Feel as one Retire and fall into my arms So we fall asleep You control my heart Away My heart is yours Control It's in your grass you give me I keep a hold on you I keep a hold You control my heart Behold You control me I lose control
28.
In cold In black nothing The world is god's broken-winged angel A shattered vase, unmendable I search my soul for hope Pieces of you All that I have is pieces of you The mirror reflects cold, black pity In cold Burning blackness Mindless and numb Choosing to be warm, white I hold on to my pieces of you Pieces of you I will hold on to my pieces of you
29.
Life with you could be a beautiful thing I'd share with you my every dream When you smile, the world is a beautiful place Just open your eyes and let heaven's gate wait for me When she smiles with those beautiful eyes I'm taken away And I walk to the light And see you there Just open your eyes And we'll begin a new beautiful life If it's the last thing I see You smiling at me If it makes you feel summertime is here When she smiles with those beautiful eyes I'm melted away And I walk to the light I see you there Just open your eyes And we'll begin a new beautiful life
30.
31.
I Remember 02:30
The shadow climbs up the walls Defeated by the light And though the tunnel never ends I'll walk that road again And I remember everything I remember, again I remember everything Why did you leave me behind, my friends?
32.
Wonderland 01:46
A piece of you and a piece of me Construct separate from our entity Look forward while looking back There's got to be a wonderland I will go down that road and keep looking for that heart of gold If only I could set you free Clarity shouldn't hold you down My soul can dance on his own
33.
This is how I feel... I know I didn't tell you what you want to hear It's hard to say a word that no-one could describe But I want you to know that It feels good to be alive And it was all because of you You can tell me 'I miss you' and I feel the same Would the heavens change? Would the stars become one, as me and you? It feels good to be alive And it was all because of you It's the air I breath in You can't see it but you know it's there I don't have the reasons All I want to do is show you how I feel You know how I feel
34.
We're all gonna die The sun will never shine for me I wanna be the end of a knife People watch tv and that's their life But hey, we're all going to die I can see the light If people want to fuck me then that's their right But you're all going to die We're all going to die
35.
I have some pictures of you And I'm in a trance I couldn't think of anything but you today But you're beautiful eyes Beautiful lies You have beautiful eyes I see the princess of darkness Only she knows why I couldn't think of anything but you today Because you're beautiful so beautiful Beautiful lies You have beautiful eyes Missie, you can take me away
36.
Add Life 02:47
You are the bubble that surrounds me The room I'm in You can keep my heart K is for kissable You add life to me Could you read me Something to make me sleep So kissable you Your touch could add life to me So kissable You add life to me
37.
You and I can take on the world When you're down I'm there with you I feel your pain - every day When you get tired The sparkle in your eyes, it still won't fade I'll be your shadow Will you be mine? You are. My favourite thing. I know it will hurt when we hit the ground And come back to earth But we won't mind Because we're always in our world You are my favourite thing You always were and always will be And you are right now, my favourite thing You are my favourite thing (I won't let go of) You are my favourite thing
38.
Belong 04:40
Even with this distance You can be sure, I'm not far away I feel energy from you That comes to me night and day From every tree to every star A wish we make will come alive I sleep and I dream of you And I won't forget What she says says the day she left She said, I belong to you If you still want to be with me I belong to you Everybody knows it's true And I wake from that life A life where we could be something everybody envies I awake from this sleep Everybody knows I awake next to you And I won't forget What she says says the day she left She said, I belong to you If you still want to be with me I belong to you Everybody knows it's true
39.
Awake 03:47
I've been here You've been somewhere else I've been sleeping And swallowed poison I have no more things No more more hands And no more springs I bit my life out And swallowed poison I'm awake I'm awake for you I've been dreaming of social reasons Dreaming slowly I am asleep Waiting for the time to release I've been dreaming of you I'm awake I'm awake for you
40.
In My Hand 04:26
Five years of love Five years of trouble After nine, I'll love you double We'll both grow As one from two Chisel parts from off of you And keep your love in my hand If we don't seem to rest I won't be leaving you If we both feel our chests The second hand leads with you The sun don't shine without you I don't mind that I love you The sun don't shine without you The sun won't shine but I won't mind In my hand Five years of love Five years of trouble After nine, I'll love you double We'll both grow As one from two Chisel parts from off of you And keep your love in my hand If we don't seem to rest I won't be leaving you If we both feel our chests The second hand leads with you The sun don't shine without you I don't mind that I love you The sun don't shine without you The sun won't shine but I won't mind In my hand
41.
I Feel 03:55

about

An acoustic mixture of the naively nice, the weird, and the slightly suicidal.
Amateur production, self-recorded in solitude, composed of over 40 tracks created during a 2 year period 2004, 2005. Prolific passionate song writing born of a recluse mind, no track was given more than a day to create and record.
The moody solo expedition incorporated acoustic guitar, vocals, and computerised drums and bass, with occasional other instruments like piano and cello.
These recordings, were never intended for public release - only catharsis.

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released September 1, 2005

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Matt Spann Brisbane, Australia

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